He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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