I want to make a zoo with you.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
