Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
