i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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