So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
