everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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