im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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