I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
