i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
