In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
