Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
