Capitaan dildo arrescate!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
