i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
