New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
