I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
