I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
