We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
