The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
