we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
