Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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