I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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