You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
3pm strippers are depressing
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
