they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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