it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The beer is more important than you right now.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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