I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's rum buckets o'clock
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
