I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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