On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
