I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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