At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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