What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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