ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
