I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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