I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
