So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Drunk is not a location!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
