Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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