So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
