I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
