So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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