I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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