hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
