I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
