My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
