his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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