do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
