he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
