I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
