It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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