my phone needs a breathalizer
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
