he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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