Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
