Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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