I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
