it hurts more in the daytime
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
